3 months …

… already! I don’t believe it!  Time flies when your having fun and up to your neck in bottles and nappies and washing and …. yeah. 

Things have been somewhat calmer, no majors since my neighbour’s hand vs electric saw incident.  It was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life and I hope I never see anything like it again; it is difficult to get the image out of my head.  I heard some moaning/screaming type noise and at first I thought kids were being stupid as it seemed to stop and then it started up again and the dog was going nuts.  When I went to the door the dog was terrified looking down the back of the section with her tail between her legs barking madly.  Then I thought someone was being assaulted and there was a split second where I am ashamed to admit I stopped and thought if I really wanted to get involved in that.  I went to the back of the section and called out “Do you need help?” and my neighbour (over the back fence who we have never met) panickly called out “Yes, please help me! Help me! Jump the fence, hurry up!”  Well it’s lucky there was no cameras around because honestly I must have looked like Winnie the Pooh trying to haul my fat ass over that 6 foot + fence, it took a couple of attempts.  Then I went over to her and OH MY GOD she had a gash about 2 inches wide and several inches long running from her forearm down to her hand diagonally; she had essentially cut her hand off as it was only just hanging on and at a very odd angle.  She had lost alot of blood.  She had already gone into the house and gotten the phone and was on the phone to the emergency services which explains why the noise stopped at one point.  I took the phone and got her inside and wrapped it in a towel and applied pressure.  Then other neighbours turned up and noone could get in because the doors were locked and the garage door was down and there was no other way to access her due to the fencing situation so she was lucky I was home because noone would have been able to get to her.  Thankfully she was lucid and we were able to get the garage door open, ring her husband and make arrangements for her children at school before the ambulance even arrived.  About then I suddenly realised I have left the baby at home with the door wide open by himself.  It was a sickening feeling I excused myself and ran home as fast as I could and poor bubba was crying in his hammock where I left him.  I had only been gone 10 mins or so but I felt so horrible and can’t imagine what he must have felt.  I still feel incredibly guilty but I could not really have done anything differently.  I grabbed the baby and locked the door and went back to the neighbours.  By then the ambulance was just arriving (why do they take so friggen long?) and her husband had arrived etc.  After they left we set about cleaning up the blood which was all through the kitchen and garage and back yard.  I feel so sorry for that woman – I have no idea what has happened with her I can only hope they were able to save her hand but I would be suprised if they did. 

I have to return to work on August 1st with the start of the new school term.  I cannot put into words how much I am dreading this day.  Aside from the major control issues I have with handing the reins over to Tui (which is not at all a comment on her capabilities, just my own issues I have to deal with) I feel incredibly guilty about leaving Mr T and incredibly sad.  I don’t want to be apart from him at all.  I miss him even when he is in the back seat of the car!  And now he looks for me, and especially looks at the milk factory when he’s hungry, and I can’t help feeling he is going to think I have abandoned him.  I worry about losing our bond as he is away from me for 2 or 3 feeds a day.  I have only 3 bags of milk in the freezer too.  We are still topping him up with expressed milk every feed and formula when he needs it so there isn’t much spare.  I know I am doing my best but I can’t help but feeling like a failure sometimes.  I also feel like things are just starting to even out.  We are starting to get on top of managing his reflux and he is consistently putting on weight.  We are getting into a groove with routines.  And now I have to go back to work and I don’t get to enjoy the best part of this all.  Where everything comes together and you can just concentrate on just being together and enjoying each other without anything else to worry about. 

I am really unsure about how I am going to manage the demands of my job as well as devoting myself to T every minute I am home.  I was barely managing with my workload before T arrive so how I will manage now I don’t know.  I’m trying not to worry about all this as best I can but it’s really hard.  I don’t want to waste time being unhappy thinking about going back to work when I’m still off work and should be enjoying it.  It’s just every day that passes I get sadder.  It’s like an impending doom … yuck. 

Here are some photos of the boy!  Including the two month pic we missed posting.  Who wouldn’t be sad having to think about leaving this cuteness each day?

 

2 months ... sleepy bubba

Hey dude you're furry like me!

 

 

Mama why are you always pointing that thing at me?Holy crap that flash is bright!!

 

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