Hey Mum I thought we said no doppler?

Well we had our monthly midwife this evening and everything is looking good.  I did another urine test and again no protein or glucose present which is great.  She went over the blood results I had done after our last appointment and everything eg iron etc is really really good.  I have been having some headaches lately which have been a bit annoying mostly because I refuse to take anything for it so I am just riding them out.  They aren’t the worst I have had but they do sometimes affect my vision which is a pain.  I have been really tired lately too but I expect that to be a flow on from camp and the emotional week I’ve had so far – more on that later.

This is only the second time we have met our midwife but already we really really like her.  She really goes above and beyond.  She has given us so many resources already, she even came by and dropped off a book in our letterbox.  She is always on time and she doesn’t just come and do the bare minimum and leave, she is really thorough and great to talk to about anything.  Today she arrived at 5pm and didn’t leave until 6.20pm.  She left me some Nettle tea to try this time too. 

  After deciding not to use the doppler unless necessary, guess who did a 180 turn during the appointment today?  It feels like everything has been too easy and I’ve been too lucky (and without sounding negative or self absorbed my life just doesn’t usually roll like that) and without having the 12 week scan it just feels like it has been forever since our week 6 scan where we saw the initial heartbeat and I needed some reassurance.  It’s too early to use the ear trumpet thingy so I felt the need to go ahead with the doppler even though she told me she may not be able to find it at this point etc etc.  So while she could find the slower whoosh whoosh of my heart beat and the whoosh whoosh of the blood going into the placenta (who knew you could hear that, not me) she couldn’t find the baby’s heart beat.  But the funniest thing happened – right when she was giving up, way up high I felt definite butterfly movement, not just for a second but for a good solid 10 -15 second bout.  It was like sprocket was trying to get away from the doppler.  Tui joked that sprocket was all like, “Hey mum, I thought we agreed no doppler”.  So there you have it, my first confirmed baby movement!  I thought it was early but the midwife assures me no it wasn’t.  And that’s reassurance enough for us right now :).

I have been eating whatever I feel like figuring that my body knows best, which I still think it does, but we have to overhaul things a bit because we’ve been eating too much crap.  It doesn’t help that we have been seriously busy with work projects and generally unorganised and exhausted.  And because I have been so paranoid in the beginning about losing the baby I backed way off on exercise too.  So its time to get our shit together basically.

So the emotional week I’ve had – one of the students from my school was killed in a car accident in the early hours of saturday morning.  She got into a car with a drunk driver, on  a learners licence who failed to take a corner, rolled the car and hit a powerpole.  The powerpole sliced the car in half.  The 2 who died were thrown 20m from the car.  The driver, the girls boyfriend survived.  Another one of our students was in the car 10 mins previous but had gotten dropped off at home.  She tried to convince the other one to stay at her house as planned but she wouldn’t.  I don’t know how many times we have told our kids about avoiding drink driving situations.  They KNOW what they are supposed to do but they still go and do it.  Since I started teaching at this school about 8 years ago, 7 people (6 students, 1 teacher) have died.  All different things e.g suicide, car accidents, heart attack – but the odds? It’s almost one death a year.  Our school is only 300 students give or take.  It has been a very hard week, mostly to see other staff and the students so upset.  It is customary for Maori to bring their family home or to the marae and have the family stay with them and friends etc visit and pay respects before the service for up to three days.  Several staff and many students have been to see the body etc but I just can’t do it.  I don’t want to see another dead kid in a coffin.  I don’t even want to talk about it.  I’m having to restrain myself from telling the kids to shut up about how she looked and what happened in the crash and what will happen to the driver.  I just can’t handle the aura of sadness or death and I especially don’t want it around sprocket.  At the moment I just feel overloaded and stressed and this feels like ANOTHER thing to cope with.  I’m hoping the service on Friday at school will bring closure and things will return to relative normality.

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7 Responses to Hey Mum I thought we said no doppler?

  1. Pomegranate says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your week. Your school community sounds small and tight-knit. I can imagine how devastating a death would be, especially one so senseless and preventable. We lose kids (and 2 current staff in my 12 years) but we have almost 4000, so it’s easier to feel distanced about it.

  2. A. says:

    I’m so terribly sorry about the tough week. What a tragedy.

    I am glad for you, though, that you’re doing so well with your pregnancy. Thank you for updating!

  3. what an awful week at work – i totally understand your desire to distance yourself from the tragedy. your number #1 job is to protect yourself and sprocket right now, and that includes emotionally. ((()))

    your midwife sounds great!

  4. So sorry about the death. That must be extremely hard.

    Congrats on feeling baby movement!

  5. Next in Line says:

    I would have jumped on that doppler too!

  6. poppycat says:

    Very sad. I understand wanting to protect yourself from those kinds of things while pregnant.

    I’m glad to hear the pregnancy is going so well for you!

  7. Lucy says:

    Thats so tragic and horrifying. Glad the pregnancy is going well though! 🙂

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