Tempus does indeed Fugit

I can’t believe that we are at 11 weeks already. After all those years of planning, trying and failing you would think that we would have got used to that idea that there is a real baby growing inside of K by now, but it really is still such an abstract idea. I have read countless blogs where people haven’t thought that it was real, trusted that it was real and to be honest I just didn’t get it. It seems that the idea of trying to have a baby, and an actual pregnancy, are actually two very different things – go figure. It is only now, thinking that K is practially 3 months pregnant where I go ‘oh shit – we’re gonna have a baby in 6 months’. See, I just freaked myself out a little again – six months – but it’s okay, I’m getting used to it.

Oh and I’ve been a bad, bad blog commenter lately – I will get back on the ball soon, but partly down to being so stressed/tired at work and also I’ve been following along on my mobile mostly which doesn’t let me comment so sorry about that!

We have spoken to and interviewed a bunch of midwives now. We started ringing around a few at about 8 weeks but it’s taken us a few weeks to get it all sorted. One was a disaster right from the start, really nasty on to me on the phone because I phoned on a Saturday morning. My first comment was ‘is there another time I can call you back’ but she just got worse not better – sorry lady, you’re off the list already, yes you can have a bad day but not risking that bad day being our baby’s birth day thank you. We then met with two more, the first was nice enough but not quite right. There were a few things we were uncomfortable with about her beliefs, and some things she said just plain didn’t fit with us.

So we were on to the next one (MWR), this time she was lovely and outgoing and fully supportive of what we wanted. When we left her office we were so relieved because although we still had a couple more to try, we knew we’d found someone we’d be comfortable with. We have been considering a home birth if possible, and although she hadn’t much experience she did she she was keen to be involved in more of them. She also recommended another midwife, MWC, to us for home birth and couldn’t say enough about her which was a nice change from the first one we met who had a sales pitch air to her and almost came across as running others down. MWR also said that she would love us to choose her but really highly recommended MWC and would understand if we chose her instead.

As it turned out, MWC was the midwife that Mrs CMM used for her baby a couple of years ago, so she was recommended by them as well. So we met with her tonight, and she is great. She is quite alternative herself, she runs pregnancy yoga classes for example, so she is very supportive of that side of things but also balancing that with the medical realities which is just what we want. In fact it went so well we ‘hired’ her on the spot, she went and got her bag from the car (oh yes she does home visits – bonus!) and had the first proper midwife appointment! Everything is looking good: bp was a tad high but not a worrisome high and a urine test showed no issues with proteins or glucose.

We have a lot to learn and a lot of decisions still to make of course, which is freaking me out a little right now to be honest, but MWC left us with several pamphlets and a book which is a good start. She also has given us the contact details of a former client?patient? of hers that also went through ivf and then had a successful home birth who should be good to talk to and ask some questions of.

As I said before, we’re looking at home birth – K is very keen to have a home birth if possible, I was much less keen to start with but the more I learn about it the more okay with it I am. To be honest until recently I haven’t known a lot about them, and I think that fear has come from the unknown, but while yes we are making these decisions together this one is very much about what K wants and I am here to support that. But that said, the more I think about it the more the logical side of me starts to believe it’s a perfectly good idea anyway.

We’ve pretty much ruled out/not even considering birthing in the main hospital, we’re lucky that we have two good birthing centres to choose from anyway so unless medically necessary the hospital really is the last resort. If anything goes wrong either at home or at the birthing centres then you are transferred to hospital anyway, and MWC carries the same equipment and medicines as is available in the centres. In both situations an ambulance would be called if a transfer was needed, and we are not much further away from the hospital at home than in the centres. So then it comes down to whether or not we trust those that are caring for K and Sprocket. And if those people are the same people that would be present and caring for them in the birthing unit, and K would be a lot more comfortable at home, then why not try for a home birth?

Of course it all depends on what happens later in the pregnancy as well, medically speaking. We still need to follow up with our dr from the clinic, K is going to email him and hopefully we’ll get an appointment with him at his private obstetrics clinic for the ‘specialist input’ recommended by the clinic. The biggest question mark that we have at the moment is around the fibroids in K’s uterus. Although at the time of surgery they were small and near the top so he didn’t think that there was any risk associated with the pregnancy and birth it is something that we need to monitor as well and may affect the home birth decision.

One thing we have decided to do is skip the 12 week scan. We actually decided this a while ago, although it would be nice to check in and see Sprocket, we’ve already had two scans and want to keep the interventions to a minumum. We’re also sure that we wouldn’t be doing anything should any abnormalities appear, especially seeing as the results can be ambiguous at best at that point. We are going to have the 20 week scan, partly so that if there is something wrong we can have some time to deal with that and partly to find out the sex. We would like to keep it a complete secret, but the reality is we have so many hand me down clothes for both boys and girls that we don’t want to wash and prepare them all if we don’t have to lol. So instead we’re just going to keep it to ourselves, we did give BD the option of finding out and he wants to know as well, but everyone else is going to kept in the dark until the birth – including you all *grin*.


About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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6 Responses to Tempus does indeed Fugit

  1. A. says:

    So glad to hear that all is going well! 🙂 It’s fantastic that you have options around you for birthing centers in case they’re needed.

  2. what!? you aren’t going to tell us the sex?! *pout*

    its great to hear that all is going well!!! wow, i cant believe you are almost done with the 1st trimester!

  3. Next in Line says:

    eeeeeee I can’t wait to find out if it is a boy or girl! What a great surprise it will be. This is so exciting…you are going to have a baby in 6 months 🙂

  4. Pomegranate says:

    wow. time flies, huh? pretty soon you’ll be hitting the … SECOND TRIMESTER. da-dum.

    i respect your decision not to know/tell. it doesn’t seem as popular these days.

  5. finch and wren says:

    So excited for both of you and can’t wait to follow along on your journey! When we get pregnant we want it to be a suprise and have no intention of finding out the sex of our baby. Glad you found a MW that you like too – I can’t wait to hear more about the experience of a home birth which is another option we want to read/learn more about. Go you!! 🙂

  6. So glad to hear all is well and that you’ve found a midwife you love. Hooray! So excited for you ladies–six months, wow. It’ll be here so soon!

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