One step forward.. one to the side, one to the back.. wait where are we?

We’re so tired of all this, the constant back and forth, ups and downs. For ourselves, for our friends.. everyone.

We had a really great weekend away. It was a beautiful weekend and we had a lot of fun together. It was so well needed. After the appointment on Saturday morning, we just felt like everything had been taken off our shoulders. We felt like we were on the verge of something. We were excited to begin the weight loss journey – yes together Poppy 🙂 – and even looking forward to having some down time away from ttc for a few months. With a solid plan, not an easy one, but a solid one.

Most importantly, we felt like the clinic really did care about us after all.

Then we got back to reality. This afternoon K got a phone call from one of the staff there saying that they had a meeting about us, and have put us on the waiting list and congratulations we would be having free ivf in April 2011. Ok, so the dr didn’t exactly guarantee that he would be able to jump the waiting list, but he sure gave us the impression is was only a matter of rubber stamping. But no, apparently this is the best they can do – to put us on the waiting list now instead of requiring the low bmi first. Which is all very well but why the fuck get our hopes up first. All the testing etc leads them to believe that K only has another year from now to get pregnant – this date is a full 6 months after that timeframe ends. Yes there may still be a chance then, there’s no guarantee and no specific date where what eggs K has left are going to pack their bags and wave goodbye, but do they seriously believe we will be content to just sit back and relax while that time just passes us by?

I get the waiting list is there for a reason, and I get that there are many deserving people on that list…. but why mention it to us if it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t something we asked for, we would have been much better off not knowing it was even on the cards. There was no guarantee, but of course we got our hopes up, who wouldn’t? It sucks. We have had enough of having our emotions pulled and twisted whichever way is the flavour of the day.

And to make it so much better, the woman that rang K told her that her BMI must be 2 points lower than what the Dr had said. It is a hard enough ask as it is, but it was like kicking us when we’re down. Then she was rude enough to demand to know if K was trying to lose weight, why is it a problem and was there a medical reason she couldn’t lose weight. And by the way, this is an admin person, not a doctor or nurse. K was in tears on the end of the phone by this point so couldn’t answer any of them – not that it’s any of her damn business, that information is between us and our doctor.

So yeah, we’re stuck back in what-the-hell land. Dunno what we’re going to do, we need to decide because there is no point doing the laproscopy for the endo in January if we’re not doing IVF until 15 months later – shit all the good would have been well and truly undone by then, it will have grown back and be pushing everything out of whack again.

We are armed with the name and contact details of the clinic manager. We are going to write a very long account of every single one of our issues we’ve had there. This is where blogging comes in very useful – I haven’t written about all of the mistakes, but most of them are in here somewhere for reference. We have been hesitant of complaining too much (we’ve done our share already) while we’re still relying on their services as we have no other options where we live. We also didn’t want to ruin our chances of our doctor getting us a quicker ivf date but guess that’s out the window now.

I don’t know if it will help with this issue at all, but we’re going to get it all out.


About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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14 Responses to One step forward.. one to the side, one to the back.. wait where are we?

  1. Oh my gosh April 2011 is a long long time to wait.

    I don’t know if I can offer any practical advice because I don’t really understand how the system works where you are. But April 2011 is a long time to wait when you have already been waiting so long for your baby.

    I hope there is a solution out there for you. Can you talk to the counsellor again – the one that was helpful before?

    Take care and be kind to each other.

  2. A. says:

    I can’t believe how much that clinic has put you through…now, you have to wait for a year and a half??

    My heart goes out to you both. I’m glad that you were able to have a good weekend away together…

  3. strawberry says:

    This is absolute bullshit. Unacceptable. I’m so sorry they threw such a wrench at you.

  4. S. says:

    what. the. f*ck?! april 2011 is *insane* and the admin woman on the phone should be kicked in the knee for her insensitivity. im so sorry ya’ll are in this crappy position right now. sending ♥♥ your way.

  5. mamiebaby says:

    Oh, hun, I’m so sorry. That is just awful of them. Stick up for yourself and hopefully that rubber stamping can begin. I don’t understand how such insensitive people can work in such an industry. You deserve all the support and kudos – you have done so much and no one should be put on the back burner so long.


  6. Sarah says:

    Ug. Sorry, that last one was me. I was accidently logged in wrong. xo, Sarah

  7. Olive says:

    That clinic sounds insane. I’m glad you’re writing your complaints – they need to be heard. I’m glad you had a relaxing weekend and I’m so sorry you had to come back to the stress!

  8. queerstork says:

    I really feel that if you have to wait that long (LONG!) that:

    1. It will fly by faster than you know! (This is a fact!)
    2. You’ll have this period of time to take a well-deserved break and maybe even be able to check things off your list of “things to do before baby” (if you don’t have one already, make one)
    3. You’ll be nuzzling your 2012 baby (babies?) and all this agony will slowly melt away.

    I’m in the minority that doesn’t see this as terrible, sorry if that’s annoying. I know it’s a long time to wait but it’s free IVF and, in the meantime, you have the opportunity to do amazing things (while saving money for baby stuff!) and lose weight that you’ve wanted (and, um, are being forced to – gulp) to lose. In the silver lining, I see great things coming from this.

    (Aside from all that I’m sorry that you’re feeling down and that this reality of your doc’s office staff not being fully compassionate with you has kicked in. Grrr.)

  9. queerstork says:

    One more thing – people will SURELY leave that waiting list. They will get pregnant on their own or decide not to do through with it. I think that April 2011 date will just inch closer and closer and it’s almost the end of 2009!

  10. Me says:

    That is crazy!!! I think the letter writing sounds like a great idea. Thinking about you guys.

  11. thebao says:

    Letter writing is brilliant. And if you want to circulate a petition, I think you’ve got about a million online fans & readers cheering you on who would happily sign as well.

    I’m glad y’all had some time to rejuvenate over your vacation. Sorry it ended so abruptly and frustratingly when you came back.

    Best of luck with your weight loss! I’ll be cheering you on for that too!

  12. poppycat says:

    That is such crap! Thanks for nothing Dr. Get-our-hopes-up. Do you think it would help to write some kind of appeal or something? Could you lie and tell them that you have already started an eating plan and workout routine? I’m just grasping here because I want this for you so badly and really, haven’t you already paid your dues in full? I have to admit I am completely shocked to hear you get a free IVF cycle, I mean, that’s freakin great! But I guess it doesn’t do much good if you have to wait 15 mo. I wonder if the weight loss could lengthen your fertility window? Again, just grasping here.

    I hope like hell you can get this figured out soon. I’m sorry its such a life sucking process and I’m sorry about all the garbage they have put you through.


  13. WHAT??! 2011?!? That is ridiculous! Write up those complaints girls! We are thinking about you both!

  14. Next in line says:

    I am so frustrated with your clinic. I am sorry that K is getting pressure about her BMI. I am no expert, but I know size and health are two separate things and that getting pressure about numbers can be a real bummer. I really think we could get farther as a community if we focused on more positive things such as healthy eating, exercise and general wellness. Numbers, shmumbers.

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