I was trippin’ out on you

3dp5dt and not really a whole lot to report, except K has had a fair bit of cramping over the last day or two. I am tripping out on the fact that there is only a week to go until we test – I know last week was the longest ever with everything that happened, and we ended up halfway through the tww anyway, but it seems life has just sped up so much!

We’ve decided to throw all caution to the wind and just be hard out excited for the next week.

It is always very tempting to grasp onto any piece of skepticism you can find in the tww. And in fact I usually manage to do this off and on quite easily. When you want something so badly, for so long, and all it takes is a couple of seconds to upset all those hopes and dreams.. again and again.. it’s tough to be postitive. It is so much easier to hold something back, and when we’ve been digging up the bfns for so long it almost seems like a necessity to protect myself. Ourselves.

This time though, seems different. We feel lucky that we have the comfort of knowing we really did everything we could this cycle.  We know there are two fertilised, developing emybryos in there and the rest is up to God/ luck/fate/universe/whatever.

Having said that though, this is the last shot as it stands. None of the others were freezable, so really everything is on this shot. Not forever, we have options to consider, but this really is our #1 option for several reasons. And knowing that there will be no ‘next month’ for K puts a different spin on it. Because of that we know we will not be any more or less devastated based on our level of positivity. Our level of hope won’t change, and that is what will be either confirmed or destroyed. So we might as well be all over it – pupo!

BUT yesterday was K’s birthday which was very important. After all, she did remind everyone in the transfer several times that it was her birthday and a successful transfer would be the best present – how could I compete with that?

Sorry to those of you that asked a while back, but I would have got my ass kicked had I shared the surprise plans with too many people lol. Because of all of the ivf stuff which we expected to be this weekend, I arranged a surprise dinner with some friends for last Friday night. As it turned out it was the night before the collection so it seemed the ivf was determined to insinuate itself into the birthday plans! The surprise nearly got ruined because I have this major rule where if you come home sick from work, you shouldn’t be well enough to go out shopping or socialising (comes from managing temp workers who would do that all the freaking time). So of course I came home sick from work on Friday, which meant it was a huge uphill battle to convince K to go out for dinner with me – she completely put her foot down and I ended up having to tell her all about the surprise lol.

Luckily I had other suprises organised for today, modified slightly due to the need for her to rest up and bad weather. We went out for a really nice breakfast at a new (to us) place, and then I gave her a gift certificate for $20 for a music store. She was stoked with that, so I could have got off cheaply, but the real present was I bought her an electric guitar and amp which she has wanted ever since we first met. The next surprise was that her Dad met us in the store, having taken the day off work and travelled down (he’s a bona fide musician so his input was essential!). Then, while we were shopping, her sisters, nieces and nephews and her Mum had also come into town and set up a ‘fairies and pirates’ birthday party at our place. She guessed that last surprise before we got home, but it was still a really great day and she got spoiled by everyone – well deserved of course!

I meant to take pictures of the whole day, but didn’t quite manage it so here’s a couple:

Dessert for a ttc’er – white chocolate, marshmallows, pineapple and a fabulous lemon cake baked by a very talented friend.


hmm wonder what she’s wishing for.. shh can’t tell or it won’t come true!


Lovely wee chap that dropped by for a visit


Pity it didn’t work out so well for him though


The Big One


We have one more day left of holidays and then it’s back to the school/work reality on Monday. At least it will keep us busy while we’re waiting!


About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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11 Responses to I was trippin’ out on you

  1. Gayby Rabies says:

    I know what you mean about the temptation of holding on to skepticism. It’s so much easier to have your hopes come crashing down if you haven’t built them up too high. However, I have complete confidence in Wha and Waru. After all they’ve been through, you just know that they are 2 very determined little embryos. After being a part of that kick-ass birthday you threw for K, how could they NOT want to stick around?

  2. S. says:

    hope the cramping is a sign that the embies are snuggling in nice and deep!
    the birthday sounds lovely!

  3. Heidi says:

    Sounds like a wonderful birthday celebration!! Those cute little babies are going to be welcomed into such a wonderful family!

  4. poppycat says:

    Wow! I’d say that was a birthady to remember even without all the IVF stuff. It sounds like you had a really great birthday surprise and the guitar and amp are sooo cool! What a great day! What a great partner you are!

  5. Nutella says:

    Sounds like a fantastic birthday celebration! And hoping this is the beginning of a truly amazing year.

  6. mrsbasement says:

    oodles of luck to you.

  7. veeandjay says:

    Great birthday celebrations! I hope the best present is yet to come though!

  8. Next in line says:

    I love all the birthday surprises! You two really know how to have fun.

  9. thebao says:

    Sounds like the best birthday ever. In my family, we celebrate birthMONTHS, and I’m betting the best possible gift for K will make itself known before the month is out.

  10. Olive says:

    I love that you’re letting yourself feel excited for testing. I know how hard it can be to do that, but it feels good to give yourself permission sometimes. Happy Birthday to K – it sounds like a great one!

  11. Me says:

    This looks like a lot of fun! Your chap was quite lovely!

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