I never did like roller coasters

Well today pretty much went about as badly as it possibly could have.

To start with, the egg quality wasn’t very good. There is one 6 cell and five 4 cell emybros with the other two not developing. There is also a lot of fragmentation which isn’t what they want, although the embryologist did say to us that there wasn’t much research around whether the pregnancy rates were any worse with fragmentation.

Based on this, they decided to put back two embryos, one 4 cell and the 6 cell. The others they would continue to culture to see if they develop into blastocysts but they weren’t at all confident that they would be good enough quality to freeze.

The dr was the one that K met up with at work the other day and this time, with K sitting upright and her pants on, she recognised her. That turned out to be a good thing because she knew from experience the difficulties with K’s cervix. Which were about as bad as they could get today.

She tried for at least 40 minutes to get the catheter in. I say at least because when things got really bad I stopped watching the clock. She used ultrasound, an ‘introducer’, tried to dilate the cervix and eventually clipped the cervix to hold it in place while she tried again. And yes the clipping was exactly as painful as it sounds. K was trying really hard to breathe through the pain but it was pretty horrendous. And all for nothing. The whole time all I could see was the pain on K’s face and the Dr shaking her head at the nurse as it became clearer and clearer that it wasn’t working.

They couldn’t get them in. After all the bad insems, it seems things are just getting worse and yeah, they couldn’t get the embryos back in.

So we were sent back to a consult room to wait while the dr consulted with the clinic director. Basically they decided that it wasn’t going to happen the way it was going (duh) and the only other way to try was to get an anaethetist in and try to manipulate her cervix with her knocked out. Dr said they could try to find someone today (but that was probably unlikely) or they could culture them on and hope for some that were freezable and try a thawed embryo replacement down the line.

Now we had some hard decisions to make. We asked the dr what she would do and she said the scientist in her says culture but the woman says try to get them back in.

So here’s where we’re at. We have decided to wait another 2 days and see how they culture (it was to be a day 3 transfer so we’re looking at day 5 blastocysts). In the meantime, they are going to arrange an anaethetist for Thursday.

If they develop well enough and are of suitable quality to freeze, we will freeze them then and there. No replacement this time. K will then have a laproscopy done (they’re pretty convinced all of a sudden that she has endometriosis) and a cervix dilation at the same time. They make us wait for 2 cycles after doing stims before doing another replacement, so we would try to get this done in the meantime. Even though our insurance doesn’t cover anything ttc, it should cover this based on the endo diagnosis which is a very very thin silver lining. So thin it’s almost see through.

If the embryos are developing but not suitable for freezing, we will go ahead with the transfer on Thursday, under anaesthetic so they can do whatever they need to. But there is no guarantee that that will help anyway – they still might not be able to get them in.

But there is also a good chance that the embryos won’t develop enough at all and that this has all been for nothing.

We’re working on the theory that by waiting til Thursday, we’re not really losing anything because if they don’t continue on to blastocysts then they weren’t going to even if this had gone smoothly.

But it is so damn hard. K has been so brave today, this morning has been a nightmare really and we’re pretty upset and not really sure where to go from here.

So we’re back to the favourite ttc pastime – wait and see.




About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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18 Responses to I never did like roller coasters

  1. Robbie says:

    Ah hell. I’m SO sorry today was a bust. Trina had her cervix “stabilized” with the graspers on her first IUI so I know the pained look K had on her face. Seeing that look on my wife was awful. I have my fingers crossed that the next 2 days bring you good news.

  2. Me says:

    That just blows. Man. TTC can bring such heart/gut-wrenching days. Sounds like you guys are handling this well though. Hoping so much that day 5 transfer is a go. Take care of yourselves.

  3. justine says:

    this is just so awful. i am so so sorry. i hope you are both doing something nice for yourselves during this wait. we are thinking nothing but strong eggy dividing thoughts for you. take good care of each other.

  4. liz and andrea says:

    wow what a day. we have our fingers crossed that this will work out for you both!

  5. poppycat says:

    Wait! No, no, no! That’s not how this was supposed to go. Shit. I’m not a praying girl but I’m going to put one out there for you right now and hope it falls on open and willing ears.

    Lots of love to both of you. Poor K, she’s been such a trooper and this has to pay off, it has to.

    Hugs and love from afar. xoxo

  6. Pufferfish says:

    Oh no. I can’t believe you are both having to go through all of this. I really hope they develop into blasts and you can transfer them back in a couple of days. My thoughts are with you both.

  7. tbean says:

    Well fuck. I’m so sorry. I was so hoping it would be smooth sailing for you from here on out. What a nightmare.

    You are not alone. But I’m sorry you had to join my company here in “when IVF goes terribly awry” ville. It is a shitty place to visit and I hope we can leave it behind soon.


  8. A. says:

    Oh, girls. What an awful day. I’m so sorry that you had such a difficult time, and I hope that things turn the corner.

  9. nutella says:

    Oh that’s just awful. Keeping fingers crossed for a better outcome on Thursday.

  10. vee says:

    Oh man, that is terrible news. I’m gutted for you both (and poor K – that must have hurt like hell!) To have come this far, through all this scientific know-how, to then be foiled by a piece of anatomy – it’s just SO unfair!

    I’m crossing my fingers though and hoping hard that things turn around and those babes find their way in there and stick around for 9 months or so.

  11. luckylittle13 says:

    This is not fair. This is not right. A clamp on the cervix is probably the worst pain I have ever felt, so to have it coupled with the gravity of the situation, I just can’t even imagine how you girls felt. I am so sorry. Your embryos are ahead of where ours where on the same day, so they are doing something right. I will be sending them healthy growing thoughts so they continue dividing through Thursday and beyond.

    Hugs to you both. xoxo

  12. Yuck.

    I hate that today was such a bust. After so much hope and good news, to have this. Argh.

    In the spirit of Polyanna, I am going to hold out some hope for progress/dividing/freezablity, but I’m mostly going to hold good thoughts for the two of you. I hope that your strong relationship pulls you through and that you’re surrounded by support, both IRL and URL.

    Thinking about you both and sending hugs across the thousands of miles.

  13. Next in Line says:

    Oh girls I am so sorry they are not in the oven and that you two went through such a difficult time trying to get them back in. I am sending you lots and lots of hugs. You have supporters around the world holding out hope and love for you. You have a very solid plan going forward from this, but dam it I wish you had been able to stick to plan A.

  14. Olive says:

    I am so, so sorry this is happening. I hope you have beautiful blastocysts tomorrow and the transfer goes smoothly. The wait must be so painful. I’m sending you hope across the oceans.

  15. thebao says:

    This SUCKS. I am so sorry this is happening. I HATE this for you, and I hate that K had to go through all that pain. UGH
    I really hope that you get good news in a couple of days. This is ridiculous.
    Please know I’m thinking of you and my fingers are twisted and squeezed shut for you.

  16. queerstork says:

    maybe not many people in life can say this to you but i know how you feel right now. we had a similar story with oodles of eggs and subsequent reports of poor quality and… i’m hoping with all i’ve got that you have a better ending than we did.

    it always seemed that the ladies with 5 day blasts had better chances of success. i don’t know if that’s based on any science or just my anecdote scoring. anyway, here’s to hoping that you’re one of those ladies with a magical one or two that make a baby.

    so, so sorry about this rollercoaster. i’m throwing up all over it with you.

  17. poppycat says:

    I just wanted to say again today that you are in my thoughts. xoxo

  18. GaybyRabies says:

    Seriously, why can’t the universe cut you two a break just once? Is that too much to ask? I’m sorry to hear that transfer attempt #1 was so awful. I hope #2 is much better.

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