I’ve grown to hate testing day. It sucks. We usually think we know the outcome already. I mean apart from the early days, by the time we do the blood test on 14DPO we’ve had a pretty good idea that it would be negative. Either the lack of symptoms or like this time round, the obvious pms cramps starting the day before or so before.
The reason I hate it is that you spend so much of the tww just building up to the test. Analysing every stupid little thing. Fantasising about what it would be like to finally get that bfp – what would you do, who would you tell, when would you tell. That’s one of the worst parts for me – I’m terrible at fantasising about telling people. I’ve even planned how I’ll tell my workmates once we’re at 12 weeks. I just can’t help it – to start with it was part of the fun of ttc but now I feel like I’m jinxing it somehow.
So even though we may know it’s going to be a bfp, we still have to hold out for that day. The Test. Which in our case is done at 8am and we don’t usually get the results until at least 2pm – the last few times it’s been a couple hours later even. That’s a long time for your mind to play games! No matter how hard I try to prepare myself, how much I convince myself that it’s negative there’s still that little corner of my brain going ‘yeah but what if you’re wrong, how cool would that be?’. It goes back and forth like that the whole damn day. And when that call does come, it’s just another kick in the guts all over again.
We did a couple of cycles when K poas first, but it didn’t actually make a difference at all – even if we got a few bfns that way, there was still hope that the blood test may be different.
So yeah, testing day sucks. Only when you get a bfn of course, which for now, is all we’ve had. So it sucks.
Right now, K is at acupuncture and then tonight we’re bowling and eating with friends who have no idea about any of this. Hopefully that will be good. Despite the temptation to stay home and pull the covers over our heads.