Testing Day and BFN #9

I’ve grown to hate testing day. It sucks. We usually think we know the outcome already. I mean apart from the early days, by the time we do the blood test on 14DPO we’ve had a pretty good idea that it would be negative. Either the lack of symptoms or like this time round, the obvious pms cramps starting the day before or so before.

The reason I hate it is that you spend so much of the tww just building up to the test. Analysing every stupid little thing. Fantasising about what it would be like to finally get that bfp – what would you do, who would you tell, when would you tell. That’s one of the worst parts for me – I’m terrible at fantasising about telling people. I’ve even planned how I’ll tell my workmates once we’re at 12 weeks. I just can’t help it – to start with it was part of the fun of ttc but now I feel like I’m jinxing it somehow.

So even though we may know it’s going to be a bfp, we still have to hold out for that day. The Test. Which in our case is done at 8am and we don’t usually get the results until at least 2pm – the last few times it’s been a couple hours later even. That’s a long time for your mind to play games! No matter how hard I try to prepare myself, how much I convince myself that it’s negative there’s still that little corner of my brain going ‘yeah but what if you’re wrong, how cool would that be?’. It goes back and forth like that the whole damn day. And when that call does come, it’s just another kick in the guts all over again.

We did a couple of cycles when K poas first, but it didn’t actually make a difference at all – even if we got a few bfns that way, there was still hope that the blood test may be different. 

So yeah, testing day sucks. Only when you get a bfn of course, which for now, is all we’ve had. So it sucks.

Right now, K is at acupuncture and then tonight we’re bowling and eating with friends who have no idea about any of this. Hopefully that will be good. Despite the temptation to stay home and pull the covers over our heads.

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About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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10 Responses to Testing Day and BFN #9

  1. veeandjay says:

    I’m so sorry. You girls deserve a testing day to remember, not another one you’d rather forget. vee xxx

  2. A. says:

    That really does suck. I’m hoping that good things come your way soon. Hugs.

  3. S. says:

    i’m so sorry to read about the bfn. each one gets a little harder than the last, i think. hope you have some time this weekend to pull the covers over your head and recoup.

    i loved to dream of creative ways to tell people we were pregnant too. i had elaborate scenarios worked out for holidays and fun ideas for other times (specialized m&ms or fortune cookies). after my m/c though, everyone learned our business, so i didnt get to share our recent news in a creative way (since they all knew about the transfer and were just waiting for a yes/no). after years of planning the big reveal, it was kind of a dissapointment (in a weird way). . .

  4. nutella says:

    Sorry for the negative. And I can see why testing days are horrid. Hope the bowling and the company make things a tad lighter.

  5. Damn, damn, damn. I’m truly sorry you guys. It’s such a roller coaster and I hope your BFP comes very, very soon.

  6. Next in line says:

    Sorry. That really bites. Oh those covers over the head days. I am hoping that next cycle you are going out bowling on testing and day secretly celebrating a BFP!

  7. Oh, so so sorry. I hate that you’ve had to face another one of those fuckers. Wishing the best for you in future cycles, and wishing there was a fast-forward button for you (and all of us)!

  8. poppycat says:

    Oh shit! Damn bfn’s! I want so much for you to get your bfp, and I mean soon!

    I understand that internal tug-of-war all too well. It blows.

    Take some time together this weekend to wallow under the covers, you deserve it.

  9. Tory says:

    I am so sorry your journey has been this difficult. I hope this is your month…

  10. stelladuffy says:

    Ah, I am sorry. It’s great to take some time off trying. To remind yourselves of who you are and why you are together and that – really and truly – you are both fine just as you are, whatever your future brings. x

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