Keeping On

Thanks for the comments guys, yes it’s another BFN.

We did end up testing at home on Wednesday night, then had the blood test on Thursday which both (obviously) were neg. Thursday was an absolutely horrible day for K. She had an incredibly hard day at work (to the point she nearly quit on the spot), then to find out it was negative was just the icing on the non-existent cake.

Thursday night we climbed into a cave and hid from the world. Friday night we relaxed with chinese food, alcohol and comedy. Saturday we went out for lunch, then barely restrained ourselves from some impulse shopping, then headed up to Auckland for K’s sister’s birthday dinner.

I think we’ve come to terms with this time not working, and it seems that stress has made K late (CD1 was yesterday, about 7 days late). But there is a lot of stress around everything at the moment; K’s work, house (we desperately want a bigger house but can’t afford to buy with the interest rates so high and don’t really want to move just to rent again), ttc. It just seems at the moment that everything is just so hard, and what we really want is just out of our reach.

BD text to say he was sorry it didn’t work, then asked if we were just going to keep going til it happened. I didn’t know how to respond to that, so waited a couple of hours then said well that’s usually the way it happens. I know he didn’t mean anything by it (hence the reason I waited to reply lol) but we are still 100% committed to this, it just gets harder each time both emotionally and financially.

We are going to have a review with the dr to see about where to go from here, drugswise, but the price is going to increase dramatically (like from $675 per month to at least $1300) and while we still have plenty of money saved for this at the moment, we’re about to start running through it very quickly.

Today, we went shopping (remember that impulse shopping? Well if we leave it 24 hours it’s no longer an impulse is it?!). We finally got a dehumidifier which will hopefully dry out this very damp house and make us feel better about the fact that we can’t afford to buy our own house and move just yet. We’ve also got a microwave that actually works as it’s supposed to, and the big one – a new desktop computer! We do have laptops (K’s is supposed to be for work only) but our old desktop is about 10 years old and is not even worth turning on – and it doesn’t connect to broadband because it doesn’t have the right connections so it’s been on our list to upgrade for some time. So yesterday when we were scoping the dehumidifier and microwave, we decided just to go with it and get all 3 big items we’ve been wanting. Unfortunately, by the time we got into the store today, they’d sold the last one, so we ended up driving back up to Auckland for what turned out to be a wild goose chase. We eventually settled for a more expensive, but decidedly better, one that was still a great deal, but by then we’d wasted most of our Sunday.

And then, because we were spending money madly anyway, we found a new duvet cover that we liked on special so we’ve got a mini-bedroom makeover as well.

So that’s where we’re at at the moment. At the moment we’re not sure where we stand with this month’s cycle, we might have to sit it out depending on how much monitoring/drugs they are planning and the timing for all that.

But we’re doing ok. As my Dad would say, just keep on keeping on.

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About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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2 Responses to Keeping On

  1. Stacey says:

    i am sorry about this one… its awful… nothing i can say will make it better! look after each other… xx

  2. Travelher says:

    Ah yes, the bed caves and retail therapy. Seems to be a trend around here on the BFN’s. I’m sorry. Listen to your dad, he’s probably really smart.

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