Some days are diamonds, some days are stone

So this break thing … well its interesting. Interesting in the way that when you have a break you’re supposed to be enjoying having time away from the situation and getting it out of your mind. Except if you’re me, and what you really feel is like you’re slipping further from your goal. At first I felt like some of the pressure had come off, but now it almost feels worse. Mostly because EVERYBODY knows we are ttc and the constant questions about when and are you and how long ….. it’s constant. Not only that but I think I haven’t conceived yet as least partly because of my weight, so now I feel like I have to lose as much as possible in this break time, so while trying to balance an already packed and exhausting life I have to try and fit in more exercise etc.
One of the reasons we had a break was to work around some of my job issues, namely camps and trips that would make it very difficult to a) get to blood tests and inseminations b) make it hard for me to participate in these trips as I should as the teacher in charge. So this week I had a pre-camp trip for my kids (year 12 – which I think equates to the American 11th grade) and we went rock climbing and mountain biking. So with the mountain biking I had to ride around with the kids to show them where to go etc and the techniques etc. I would never have done that if we were mid-tww which we would have been. Anyways I have two camps one week after the other in a fortnights time.
Meanwhile my other class (Year 13, 12th Graders) are organising their camp, but only about 50% are really putting in much effort into the whole thing. SO, couple that with a bad week with my two remaining classes (Year 10, 9th Graders and Year 11, 10th Graders) and I’m thinking WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??? Why are we trying to plan things around my student’s best interests when they are being difficult and generally a pain in the gluteaus maximus? My job lately has required me to work every night until late and I will be working most of the weekend – it’s all consuming and for what?? We’ve even tried to plan the birth around school holidays!! God forbid I should have any time off and the students are disadvantaged …. *sigh* … end rant here. I do love them, but they can really drive you nuts especially when so run down and over tired.
I guess though if we WERE trying right now it would be even more stressful and emotional so I have to remind myself of that. I’m hoping that the break works and we conceive soon after otherwise I will have to go on the drugs and I really don’t want to do that.
Puppy is doing well, though very mischevious (as I guess is a pre-requisite for being a puppy). She now has a larger enclosure at night and during the day so I think seems a bit happier about this. Cats still not over the moon about the edition, we have had many swipes and yelps. Next weekend over Easter my father (bless his soul) is coming to put up some gates for us so that the whole yard will be fenced in for puppy to run around in without us worrying about her getting out. Yay for dads, especially DIY dads!
Tui is still asleep! And she sweetly asked me last night if I would like a sleep in while SHE got up to the puppy … ha ha ha .. better not happen this way with the baby!


About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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One Response to Some days are diamonds, some days are stone

  1. JoulyBean says:

    Breaks sure are difficult. But I think you are doing the right thing. I’ve also thought that maybe my weight was keeping me from conceiving. It’s really frustrating though because for a few months I ate really well and exercised like crazy and never lost weight. I was miserable. Eventually I gave up-figuring my mental health is just as important for baby making! lol.

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