Control

One of the most frustrating parts of this process is a lack of control. Being that we are all pouring so much time, energy, and in most cases money, into this process, it is hard to come to terms with the fact that at the end of the day we have very little control over the outcome.

This last round, I struggled with that a lot. I definitely had moments where I thought this was coming from a non-bio perspective; that because there was nothing that I am giving physically to this process, I have no control over any of it. But I know it’s not just a non-bio thing. It’s not even a lesbian ttc thing. It’s hard to remember sometimes that most people don’t get pregnant first, second, third, even fourth time but it’s true. Straight couples have trouble too. It’s just that they usually come with all the compatible biological parts and their ttc journey does not always have to have the same level of consideration, planning or financial resources so maybe to outsiders it doesn’t seem as all encompassing as it does to us.

We do believe that it will happen when it is meant to, and that it will happen, we’re just finding out that we’re not patient people (should have known this already – I mean geez, even getting K to wait til her birthday to open presents is a mission :P)

And believing that, we have decided to take a break for a couple of months. When we first saw the counsellor at the clinic, she suggested we try twice then have a break for a month. K liked the idea of this from the start, I think, but I really didn’t want to stop once we finally got started.

But really, things have been so busy and stressed lately especially for K, that something had to give. This is the one thing going on at the moment that we can control – heh ironic really given my comments above but we can at least control the timing!

So, we’re out for March and will spend it getting things organised and settled round home and work, then April we’re out anyway as K has a couple of school camps to lead around ovulation time. This is actually a good thing though because it means she can run around having fun with the kids being an idiot doing mountain biking, rock climbing and all the other things you can’t do when you’re pregnant or ttc.

Then after that is school holidays, I’ve got a couple of days off so we’ll have 2 three day weekends together, one of which we’ll spend at the beach for our anniversary. Then May hits and we are back in the game.

Like I said, I wasn’t keen on the break at first, but really I think it’s a good thing and will give us some time to get on top of things before we get all crazy again with the tww’s! Besides, although it’s another 2 months, we’ve got so much going on I think it’ll fly past anyway (finger’s crossed).

This weekend we were supposed to go up to Auckland to babysit our nieces and nephews and take them to the zoo, but poor K has been sick all morning so that had to be flagged. Instead, I am now babysitting our extremely energetic but still cute puppy and watching the business end of test match cricket on tv and wishing it was a one dayer instead.

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About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
This entry was posted in break, control, In the Mixing Bowl. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Control

  1. vee says:

    The lack of control thing never ceases to be a frustration. And, although I’d never thought about it in those terms before, deciding to take a break IS something that we can control. I have resisted breaks but always realised that I needed/appreciated them afterwards, because it’s too easy to let this take over your whole life. I hope it flys past for you and that you have fun in the mean time.

    I also hope K shakes that cold off.

  2. JoulyBean says:

    Personally, I can’t stand taking breaks! They make me feel useless. We tend to fight more and don’t really do any serious decision making until we’re about to try again. Then again, the breaks we’ve had have never been our decision.
    Hmm. Maybe we should plan a break for ourselves! 🙂

    I hope you two get a chance to relax and enjoy each other!
    -Joul

  3. tui says:

    Yeah, I really was so anti the break idea, but now we’ve made the decision I am totally at peace with it.

    Although, I’m already getting excited about trying again and now have to wait 2 months – haha this break thing could get old fast after all!

  4. Robbie says:

    It’s hard to be sad with a puppy in the room. We recently adopted a 1yr old and he’s running circles around our older pooches. His playful engery is infectious. I hope your new pup brings you as many smiles as our lil guy brings us. 🙂

  5. Mrs. Bluemont says:

    Take care of yourself and K and enjoy your break. Having something that you can control and taking the mystery out of every moment will hopefully open many doors of fun and blissful ease. It will go by before you know it. oxo

  6. JoulyBean says:

    How is the break going so far?

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