During the Big Clean Out ’08, I came across a lot of things, junk mostly, that I’ve kept on to for far too long.

Some of it though, was old diaries and notebooks from years ago and it was kind of cool going back through them and realizing just how much my life has changed in the last 10 years.

One of most important things was copies of the online conversations that K and I had when we first met. See, we met online and for several months spent hours most days chatting and emailing each other. While we both knew from the start that there was more to it than friendship, we were still ‘just friends’ for about 3 months after we first met (although it felt like way longer than that and I’m actually surprised now to work out it was only 3). We were lucky enough to not live far from each other so we did get to meet in person and hang out many times before we finally ended up together (my fault it took so long, but that’s another story).

It’s not the first time that I’ve come across these conversations and did a bit of reminiscing, but it always reminds me of how much we’ve both grown since then, and how much happier we both are.

I also found a lot of the writing I did when I was at school and uni, and again, it reminded me how far I’ve come since then. I sometimes wish I could go back and do it again with what I know now, with the awareness and attitude I have now but hey, I guess that’s the point.

While my life’s not perfect, I can say that I am probably the happiest I have been before. At the moment (touch wood, finger’s crossed etc), things are going fairly well with my health, our marriage is stronger than ever, we are excited about finally trying to start our family, we have traveled together (and want to do more of that), and I am not completely stressed and hating my job.

I realized this at Christmas, and I guess looking through all my old stuff, I am appreciating it more now as well. There are still some issues with my family that I probably need to sort out at some stage, but things are good.

And in ttc news, we are getting very good at over-analyzing every little feeling and change, which I understand is a pre-requisite for the tww. So far; cramps, a little nausea (probably far too early to be pregnancy related even but the idea still pops into your head), general tiredness, many ‘feelings’.

5 days to go until the blood test (Sunday), we’ve decided to try a home test probably on Saturday (13 DPO).


About Tui

30-something kiwi-lesbian-stay at home-Mama, raising our toddler son with my wife, two cats and one dog.
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